Dean's Weird Day
by CalamityJim
Summary: When Dean was given a mission from God to find the Boy King he was expecting danger, not cookies.


Disclaimer- Supernatural belongs to Kripke and such.

Warnings-None.

AN-I'm trying to write a long Supernatural AU but I was having a block. This was written to free up some space and get things moving again.

X—X-X—X

When Dean Winchester had been sent by an Angel of the Lord (No, seriously, that's how that trench coat wearing asshole had introduced himself) to find the Boy King and his demon army he had had certain expectations. After all, an angel (of the Lord) descending and telling Dean to find these guys _now_ meant that Bad Things were happening. So when God sends a messenger with a trench coat and a dead sense of humor there is a certain level of danger involved.

That, at least, explained how Dean had ended up in handcuffs. Even as awesome as he was taking on a dozen demons was a bit out of his league. So since an Angel of Lord had given Dean this quest, and since ending up in handcuffs in the enemy's territory was always a bad sign, Dean had expected a truly horrific death that would have been awesome to read about if it wasn't going to be his.

And that's where everything went sideways.

When he'd woken up cuffed to a bed he had been prepared for torture, a few questions about why he was here, a monologue by the Boy King on world domination and then more torture.

Instead he was met by a demon dressed as Grandma that came complete with cookies.

He refused. Taking food from a demon was never a good idea. The thing had just clucked at him and scuffled off, leaving Dean alone to struggle with his bonds.

And struggle he had. Whoever had cuffed him had made sure to go through his pockets for anything that could be used in an escape attempt so blunt force was the only chance for freedom Dean had. He had pulled against the metal, twisting his wrists to allow the newly formed cuts to lubricate his shackles with the hopes that his hands would just slide out. When that didn't work he tried to whole attempting to dislocate thumb thing.

Which also didn't work.

Oh no, when the next demon came in, a woman a bit older than himself, Dean was still firmly secured to the bed he'd been laid out on. But signs of his escape attempt were obvious.

Instead of a smack for being a bad prisoner the demon had paled and panicked, bring a burly guy who was probably a lumberjack and this short nerdy looking guy who's glasses were way too big for his face. The girl had poured out a panicked explanation, insisting that she hadn't hurt him at all, except for a blow to the jaw but that had been earlier when he'd snuck up on her and she hadn't been the only one to hit him and she was really really sorry and no, she wasn't violating orders because she just wouldn't _do_ that.

Dean almost sighed in relief when Nerd cut her off with a hand and sent her from the room. She sounded like she could have gone on like that forever.

The moment she had left Big Guy had come at Dean. He had grabbed an arm and freed it from the cuff. Dean struggled, more for show than any actually hope of escape, while Nerd bandaged his wrist. The same process was repeated with the other arm and both were once again chained to the bed.

But instead of being left alone Big Guy stayed in the room, explaining in a gravelly voice that Dean was not allowed to be hurt by _anyone_, which seemed to include himself. Which meant that the show was going to start when the Boy King showed up.

And show up he did.

Dean actually hadn't pegged the guy for being anything other than a meat suit when he first walked in. The tall kid with shaggy hair didn't give off any vibe of violence or confidence that marked him as the leader of a demonic army. In fact he shared the same hesitancy as the demonic Barbie.

"What happened to his wrists?" The kid had sounded genuinely concerned as he sat on the bed by Dean's feet, staring at the white bandages under the cuffs.

"Tried to escape." Big Guy had a way with words.

"Did you try to explain things to him?" Dean hadn't known if he should have been grateful or pissed that he was being ignored. Big Guy shook his head and Kid just sighed. "All right. I've got this. Can you go watch Gloria? I think she's taking a stab at making pies."

Big Guy nodded and left the room, leaving Dean and Kid alone.

Kid ran a hand through shaggy hair. "So…" He trailed off, staring guiltily at Dean's wrists. Sorry about the whole prisoner thing." The kid lowered his head, his bangs hiding his eyes. "You must be really freaked right now. I should have gotten here sooner. Sorry."

Dean stared. Freaked did not _begin_ to cover how he felt about this. "You're the Boy King?"

Kid snorted. "That is such a stupid title. Boy King? It makes me sound like a bad rapper. Call me Sam." Kid, aka Sam, flashed a brilliant smile that was framed by dimples.

"So _Sam_," Dean mocked, desperately searching for familiar waters, "when are you and your gang of merry misfits gonna waste me?"

Sam's soft hazel eyes widened dramatically. "Kill you? What? Why would we do that?"

Dean narrowed his gaze. "I'm a hunter. You can't exactly let me go."

"Why not?" Sam asked incredulously.

Dean blinked, trying to ignore that he was actually having this conversation. "You have a demon army. I was sent by an angel to find you. Do you see where this is going?"

Sam's expression filled with awe. "You were sent by an _angel_? They're real? And one talked to you? That's… amazing." He stared at Dean with barely contained reverence before he snapped out of his hero worship. "Oh! Oh my God! You were chosen by Heaven and here I have you all chained up!" Sam began to fumble with the handcuffs as words poured from his lips. "I am so so sorry. I'll have you out of here in a jiffy. Why didn't you say anything earlier? I would have been here sooner if I had known. An angel," He breathed reverently.

The moment the cuffs dropped free Dean rolled off the bed, placing a little distance between him and Sam. "Okay, what the Hell is going on here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Am I being punk'd or something? Seriously, you're the leader of a _demonic army._ Shouldn't you be preparing to conquer the world?"

Sam wrinkled his nose. "Why would I do that? Have you ever considered the logistics of ruling the world? It would be a nightmare. Besides, it's not like I asked for a demonic army. And Army is such a militant term. I don't think it really applies here. After all, you met Gloria. Did you try one of her cookies?" He paused, waiting for Dean's head shake before continuing. "Your loss. But what army has a constant supply of fresh baked cookies? I think we're more like a club."

"A club," Dean echoed faintly.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. In fact next week we're planning to help repaint the Y. Clubs do stuff like that, right?"

"Clubs don't go around possessing innocent people," Dean pointed out, desperately looking for the cloud to Sam's silver lining.

Sam frowned before he clued in. "Oh. You mean the hosts. Well, they're actually all dead."

"Dead."

"Yup," Sam answered cheerily. "Molly, Tucker and Ben are all crossroad demons so I made a deal. Demons can only be in my army if they don't possess anyone who's alive and if they don't go around hurting people. It's worked great so far, though Frank smells if you get too close to him."

"Huh." Because really, what else is there to say?

Sam's face pinched in worry. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm babbling. I bet you're in a hurry to get out of here." Dean automatically caught what Sam tossed. He looked down to see his car keys. "You're stuff is on the passenger seat," Sam explained. "You're car is just out front. Don't worry about gas. Davis filled the tank for you. Gloria also packed you some cookies. She says you can keep the container." Sam looked down at his watch. "Crap! I have to go! Late for class." Sam flashed a sheepish smile before disappearing from the room.

Dean stared down at the keys in his hand for a bit longer before he began making his way through the farmhouse he had been held in. He kept expecting Big Guy to jump out a go "Can't believe you fell for that!" before snapping Dean's neck, but instead he made it to his car without incident.

He roared out of the driveway. That had definitely been the weirdest experience of his life and the next time Dean saw Castiel he was going to tell the guy to go screw himself, Angel of the Lord or not. There was no way Dean was going to have anything else to do with Sam and his Boy Scout army. It was just too strange.

But Gloria's cookies? Totally awesome.


End file.
